Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
His nipple licking is glorious
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