I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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