new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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