Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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