Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
