she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
