Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
