"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
