I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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