Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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