It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
