i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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