I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
