If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
