I hate your face
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
