Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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