you guys were way drunker than both of me
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
