its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
