I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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