also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
