my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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