I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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