Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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