So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
