How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
