So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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