Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
