Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
