So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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