She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
