a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize