Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
