oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
