all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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