U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize