I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Your penis caused this!
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