I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
