I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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