You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
