Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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