well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
