yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
