He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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