you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
