his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
