hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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