dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
