I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
