hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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