he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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