I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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