so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
