I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
