I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
