im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
