I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
two words...techno handjob
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
