I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
