i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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