Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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