I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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