Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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