i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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