You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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