i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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