hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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