the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
