My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
