I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
that's an acceptable place to lick
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
