he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
