South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
