oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
