Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
