Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
