We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
